My Soul to Keep
by Megumi Jade
Summary: Rating is for mild cursing. Besides that, it's a straight away Leena and Harry pairing, so read and enjoy!
1. Have my Soul to Keep

My Soul to Keep

Disclaimer- I don't own Zoids or the characters

Author's Note:  This is Harry/Leena all the way so if you don't like it leave or… do what ever I guess I'll never know the difference.  *yawn… If I had energy I'd tell ya off, but I don't.

10:31 PM.  Friday.  October 18.  I am at my computer… but I don't know why…

In the Hover Cargo hanger and completely alone…  Dur hur… 

Leena sat in the cockpit of her Gun Sniper.  She didn't want anyone to see her, if they did, they would remember to think about her.  She didn't want that now, she just wanted to be alone.  'Help me fade…'  She thought, 'Just help me fade away…'

_Party time outside the base, courtesy of the Zoid Battle Commission_

            "Has anyone seen Leena?"  Steve Torros wore the rare expression of worry as he scanned the crowd for his normally jubilant daughter.

            "She prolly went home with Harry," Brad giggled.  Yesh, he'd had one too many sips… Well glasses of the 'sparkly stuff' and was too loose with his tongue.  He did not realize this until Doc reached out and tried to strangle him.  It became most evident where Leena got her strength from as the mercenary tried unsuccessfully to remove the somewhat insane man's hands from his throat.

            "Doc!"  Jamie cried as he rushed to the aid of his teammate.  Through a little persuading and a great deal of physical effort, he managed to pry Brad out of the death grip.  Brad for his part managed to stay afoot while gulping air gratefully.

            "Lighten up Doc," Bit said swaying a little.  He was sort of dancing with one of the Tasker sisters, and had swallowed more than his share of the 'sparkly stuff' too.  "I just saw her a little while ago," he continued starting to be pulled back through the crowd. "She said she had a head ache, and was going home to get some sleep!"  This was the last his team would hear of him for most of the night.

            "Well alright then," an optimistic grin spread across the mad scientist's face as he too decided to have some fun before the night was over.  Jamie just sighed and prayed he would get them home and in their rooms before they yorked all over the place.  

            'Funny thing though,' he thought to himself, 'I don't remember seeing Leena here at all.'

_At the Champ base… muahahaha…_

            Benjamin and Sebastian moved as carefully as possible towards the maintenance room.  Harry had gone to bed hours ago, and there were noises coming from the main platform.  The two robots moved almost frightfully, with Benjamin wielding a baseball bat, and Sebastian a skillet.  If machines had hearts, theirs would have jumped right out of their small metal chests.  Nothing could have prepared them for what they say on the platform however.

            Harry was working on his Dark Horn…  No, scratch that, he was randomly taking apart and putting things back together.  He was still in his battle attire.  Everything was drenched in oil and grease; the absurd frills were dangling so soaked they dripped oil.

            There were two things on the robots tiny minds now.  What the hell was wrong with Harry, and how in the hell had he managed to bleed so much oil from his Zoid?

            He was muttering constantly to himself as he disconnect and reconnected the same cable five times in a row.  Benjamin waved to Sebastian to get some coffee going, and he strolled quietly closer raising the bat.  Harry would feel much better after a nice nap and a cup of coffee, he reassured himself.  Just as he was about to 'assist' Harry on his way to dream land, the words became coherent.

            "'S'not 'nough…  ehvy thin' 's'not 'nough."  He disconnected the cable again and reconnected it in less than five seconds.  It was a difficult and dangerous thing to do, considering the Zoid's core was still operational.  He could be electrocuted to death at any moment, yet he continued.

            "Everything…  Everything I have."  Benjamin watched entranced as Harry stopped working on the Zoid and sat down.  He ran his fingers through his hair; a nervous habit.  As he felt the oily traces leave black streaks through his russet, brown hair he smiled.  It wasn't a good smile; it was a demented, and twisted smile that reflected anger and other dark things.

            "He lifted the tool box which was full of heavy and expensive equipment…  He lifted it as though it weighed maybe a feather.  "Money isn't enough…"  He still failed to notice Sebastian who watched completely stricken.  "But money…"

            "GOD DAMMIT LEENA!!!"  He screamed at the emptiness of the room.  "WHAT ELSE IS THERE?  WHAT ELSE DO… YOU… WANT??"  It was simple.  She wanted love.  He tried to give love, but he didn't have it.  To his parents who had built the Champ Corporation from nothing, there was no greater gift than money.  To Harry, who had lived all his life with possessions instead of attention, there was nothing else.  His parents had showed they loved him in a way their parents would never have been able to show them.  Yet, his parents had missed the most important part of that love.  It was unconditional…  With money there were always conditions.  It was hard to earn and easy to lose, and it didn't give a damn because it was just money.

            "There is nothing else Harry…"  The electronic voice of his robot made him jump so high he was afraid he'd fall to his death from the platform.  That would be a way to go…

            Harry turned his grief stricken, and oil stained face to his metallic companion.  Sadly, they were his only real friends.  Aren't friends supposed to know things you don't, and be able to help you in times like these?  His robots were made through money, and having not the benefit of any other experience, knew no more of love than Harry did.  Benjamin might have, he'd thought once, but that love came too easy.  Human love was ever so much harder.  There was no sure way of knowing exactly who was right, without first knowing love.

            "But there are many other things," Harry said smiling sadly.  "I just have the one."  He looked down at the toolbox in his hand, having intended to throw it down over the platform.  It seemed such a stupid idea to do it now.  He set it down carefully and sighed.  "I need some coffee," he said rubbing his temples, which were quickly staining with the black muck he'd accumulated.

            "Sebastian is on that…"  Benjamin said nervously, not sure whether to leave the young man alone.  

            "Alright then," the scuffed up and somewhat wobbly boy said as he headed in the general direction of the kitchen.  " I think I could use a cup or two."

11:40 P.M.  Friday.  October 18.  I leave my computer for sleep much needed.


	2. If I Should Die

If I Should Die

Disclaimer- I don't own Zoids.

Key:  ~ = I leave/return to writing

          ^ = Scene change

Author's Note:  Wow it's been a while since I posted anything.  They really 'clarified' the rules haven't' they?   Anyway, being as this couldn't possibly be in violation of the laws of ff.net read and review. ^o^

~12:51 PM.  Saturday.  October 19.  I'm back at it again~

^Somewhere on Mt. Riku.  Is that still around?  Ah well, don't sue me if I'm wrong here I don't have that good of a memory…^

            It was early morning and fog drifted through the dense forests that for centuries had remained untouched.  Tall pines like ancient spires watch over the younger trees of the forest with almost a sense of duty.  The forest had been there so long it seemed to have a life and personality of its own.  No wonder it made such an excellent training ground for martial arts.

            Harry took in deep breaths of mountain air as he waited for the morning alarm.  His body was bruised all over.  Anywhere the cloth of his traditional Huwakioseken uniform did not cover him, the puse marks were visible.  Not only was he rather battered, but sore muscles constantly protested anything that didn't have to do with pain pills and rest.  He had never been in so much constant pain in his whole life, but he hadn't felt this good inside for a long time.

            His ears registered the faint sound of the morning bell, and he jogged off to training accordingly.  His fellow students followed in suit once they were dressed, and he found himself in a group of ten or so fighters.  They weren't nearly as battered as he was.  In truth, he was doing the worst of the class, barely managing to stay with his age group in training.  Of course they had been training much longer than he, but it made him feel self-conscientious all the same.

            They made it to the clearing where their instructor awaited them.  Several small balls were arranged in a circle on the ground.  Having counted one for each of the students, Harry wondered what they were going to do today.  The teacher was sitting on the ground head down, eyes closed, and made no sign of acknowledging their entrance.   For a long moment, the students stood there, waiting for directions.

            Harry moved from the group and stood in front of one of the balls and waited expectantly to be told what to do with it.  No one else in the group moved, all staring at Harry who had moved without being told.  There was a long silence and Harry was wondering whether their teacher was waiting for something from them, or if he was just asleep.

            "Well?"  The teacher's voice startled all of them, and even Harry panicked as he tried to figure out what their instructor wanted.  "Are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to take your positions?"  The group immediately rushed to a ball slightly embarrassed by their teacher's remark.  Once everyone was situated he stood.

            He was a tall lean man with long silver blond hair.  His eyes were silver blue and his face was always stern and emotionless.  He was a master of the Huwakioseken style of fighting and it's guiding principles.  Their teacher was not to be underestimated or disobeyed.

            "This will be a test of balance," he began and Harry sighed mentally.  He'd never been the most graceful of humans, and was preparing for another long day of humiliation.  The teacher pulled a gold colored ball from his sleeve and dropped it.  They watched as the caught it deftly on the bridge of his foot, and then passed it from foot to foot easily, never letting it hit the ground.

            Harry thought this resembled a game some of the kids back home used to play.  Only they had used a small light sack of beads.  As he lifted the ball he could see this would be quite different.  It was heavy, maybe two or three pounds, and it was filled with something that sounded like water.  He waited till the teacher gave them the signal to begin.

~1:32 P.M.  Saturday.  October 19.  Lunch break…   Yes… It did take me this long to write that tiny bit of material. -_-;~

~3:11 P.M.  Saturday.  October 19.  Lunch and chores are over so I'm back to writing again.~

            Harry dropped the ball and managed to catch it and keep it on his foot.  Most of the people could manage that simple task, though it wasn't as easy for others.  He inhaled deeply, and concentrated on flipping the ball high enough in the air, so that he could switch feet in time to catch it without dropping the ball.  Completing the task with surprising ease, Harry worked into a rhythm with the ball.  '1, 2, 3, 4…'  He counted as he successfully practiced the exercise.   '14, 15, 16…'  The others were having trouble just doing two consecutive passes, he noticed as he glanced up at his classmates.  They were all staring at either the ball or their feet trying to tell why the two wouldn't work together.

            He was so busy concentrating on his own task that he didn't notice the teacher come up to him until he put a hand on Harry's shoulder.  Harry jumped, loosing his rhythm, which sent the ball rolling across the circle.  The boy across from him rolled it back without looking up.

            Harry picked it up feeling a blush fighting its way up his neck.  He tried hard to suppress his embarrassment but the amused look in his teacher's eyes clinched his humiliation.

            The instructor motioned for Harry to begin again, and so he did.  '1, 2, 3, 4…' he began again.  Catching his rhythm he was surprised when the teacher told him to stop.  'Oh god I've been doing this wrong the whole time…'

            "Camp-San," his teacher said making Harry met his gaze.  "You have the rhythm down, but you can't concentrate on balance alone."  Seeing Harry's confused stare he continued, "You need to be looking around.  Having all the balance in the world won't help you if you can't watch anything but your feet."  

            'Ah,' Harry thought.

            "Now again, but don't look at your feet."  

            'Yeah right,' He thought.  "Hai, hai Sensei."  He dropped the ball and miraculously caught it on his foot without looking.  Harry hesitated a minute before starting, trying to remember how it felt to pass the ball.  After a few failures he managed to get a rhythm going again.  He could now look around though at everything that was going on without breaking his stride.  'Maybe things _are_ getting better,' he thought as he tossed the ball half conscientiously.

^Once more at the Hover Cargo…^ 

            "Where's Leena?!"  Doc Torros asked surprised, as he viewed not three, but two Zoids on the battlefield.

            "I dunno," Bit said shrugging.  Brad also shrugged.

            The judge articulated that a three on two match was not within the specifications of the battle mode, and if they didn't get another Zoid out there quick, they would forfeit.  

            "I'll go find her," Jamie volunteered.  

            "No.  There's no time for that."  Steve mentally cursed his luck.  "Jamie you take the Raynos and sub for Leena, Ill find her during the battle."

            "Um… Sure thing Doc!"  Jamie took off for his Zoid while the Doc waited for the battle to be approved.

            "Warning!  The area within a thirty mile radius is a…"  The judge went on with his normal speech.  "The Blitz Team vs. the Shadow Team… Ready, FIGHT!!"

            The battle underway, the Doc left his normal post to search for Leena.  She'd been acting so strange lately…  She wasn't in her room, or in the living room or kitchen.  He was fairly sure she wasn't taking a shower, and she wasn't in the hanger…  

            Neither was her Zoid.  'Oh well I'm sure she left a note.'  He thought as he looked for the previously mentioned note.  There was none.  Steve sighed as he heard the judge again.  

            "The battle is over.  The battle is over.   The winner is… The Blitz Team!!"

            "Well I'm sure that's a surprise," he said somewhat bitterly.

            "What is?"  Bit asked as the team entered the hanger victorious.  Their Zoids had sustained little damage during the battle.

            "Oh nothing," said Doc, trying to put on a fake smile.  It wasn't very effective though.

            "You shouldn't worry about Leena Doc," Brad said somewhat reassuringly.  "She's a big girl and can take care of herself."

            "Yeah," Bit concurred throwing his cocky head back with a laugh.  "Besides, I'm sure if we lay out some cookies she'll come running."  He laughed again.

            "Great idea, but that trick works on two warriors I know of," Jamie said sarcastically.

            "Yeah!"  Bit said without really thinking about it.  "Why… Hey!"

            Brad shook his head as Bit chased Jamie out of the Hanger.  If he couldn't tease find Leena, there was always somebody else.  He'd noticed that with Leena absent so often, Bit had to find someone else to tease.  More often than not, it was Brad playing big brother to the Zoid warrior's juvenile pranks.

            "I'm worried about her," Steve admitted when he and Brad were alone.

            "Sure you are," Brad said in an even voice.  "You're her dad after all right?"

            "But she's been acting so strange lately…"  Doc replied his face a portrait of concern.

            "Hm," was all the mercenary could reply.  He'd noticed that too.

~4:00 P.M.  Saturday.  October 19.  I'd better take another break…~

~10:01 P.M.  Saturday.  October 19.  I'm back and I'm rather tired at this point but I****really should finish the chapter now shouldn't I?~

^Somewhere, where Leena is…^  

            "Harry…"  The word fell from her lips and echoed around in the silence of the night air.  It had waited so long to be liberated from pride and arrogance, and now faded into nothing.  Others would have followed, but were halted long before they were freed.  They were useless out here anyway weren't they?

            Leena couldn't remember a time she had felt so bad before.   Just through her bones sick with a feeling of…  A feeling of what?  Regret?  No, _she_ had nothing to regret, _she _had not spent most of her life in pursuit of a love that would never be given.  No, she had spent her time _running_ from that reckless love.  She had spent so much time being chased; she never really stopped to look at what she was running from.

            "Leena," he'd said.  She hated the way he said her name, always full of passion, need, and hope.  She hated the way he would call so loud everyone on Zi could hear him pining.  It was… embarrassing.  What she hated most about it though, was the way that only he could say it that way.  No one else who'd called her name, or even made a pass at her had so much conviction in one word.  They couldn't serenade her with as much conviction in a million words as he could with one.

            She'd turned her head to glare at him sideways as usual, casting a skeptical eye over his absurd attire.  She couldn't recall what she'd said then, something about challenging, or something equally cold.  She really couldn't remember what she'd said that night, but what he'd said…  It was like it was etched in her heart by acid, leaving deep and unhealing wounds.

            "I'm sorry," he said, "but I'm tired now."  She remembered that as the first painful blow.  He kept his face wooden as he awaited her reaction.  A sinking feeling, something of dread settled in her stomach but she stayed composed.  She stared at him silently; meeting wood with stone, fearing her feelings would mutiny if she spoke.

            "I love you Leena," he said, but the emotions in his words were fading.  She should have reached then, but then there was no room for 'should have' in matters of the past.  The event was as sealed as the words in her heart that tried vainly to beat their way out as he walked away.  Perhaps the shortest conversation she'd ever had with Harry.  He didn't yell at her or demand from her some sort of reply.  He just said 'I love you Leena,' and left.  

            She almost ran after him.  She almost tackled him and let the dam of words flood over so she could keep him.  In matters of the heart you either do something or you don't do something; 'almost' carries not weight.  

So he'd walked off alone into the desert then, but he would never know how alone she would be from that day on.  It had started off well enough.  There were no letters to send back constantly, no barrage of phone calls day and night, no crazy young men with emerald eyes to turn away.  Damn him anyway.  She had everything she'd ever dreamed of.  She was in S class, she had a ton of her own prize money, and she had the battle itself.

Maybe if he hadn't been so busy chasing her around, Harry would have made something of himself in the Zoid world.  She mused over these things as she stared out across the barren tundra of the night dessert.  The moons' yellow glow cast eerie light, making the shifting sand seem alive.  Things had gotten complicated lately though.

It started off as she pondered eating the last box of chocolates Harry'd sent her before he left.  She decided against it and went down to grab some cookies that belonged to Bit.  He owed her anyway.  Then she began to think about how empty it sounded without Harry showing up or calling.  She started looking for pictures of him, even though he stood out clearly in her memory.  What she saw in these images was painful and priceless.  

He always smiled when he was around her; he never thought to do anything but make her happy.  There he was carrying her bags, and there buying her ice cream, and there leering at her as she played volleyball on the be…  Hey!  She slammed the pictures away, thinking she'd found something to help her get over this odd fixation.  For some reason though, she couldn't beat down the heat rising in her cheeks.  She began to pick the photos up again, and put them on her vanity, even the beach one.  There were others, all of which she put in various places in her room.  When she was done what she saw amazed her.  He was everywhere she could remember being.  He'd been apart of every place, nearly every memory.

It was no wonder she felt so incomplete now.  Harry had been in so many facets of her life; he was practically half of it.  Harry was gone now, and half of her life had gone with him.  It scared her to think someone like Harry had the power to move her this way.  She'd thought Harry would be in withdrawal now, not her.  She'd never thought to give something as trivial as a crazy suitor the time of day.  So how did she end up giving him so much of her life?

She asked these things to the living sand, but it held no answer for her.  She leaned back on the sand and stared at the stars.  The only things she heard were the whispers of the wind on the sand, and the echoes of words unsaid in her heart.

~10:49 P.M.  Saturday.  October 19.  This Chapter is done.  *Ding.  And now it's time for Inyuyasha.  ^^~


End file.
